Monday, 28 April 2008
ex·pec·ta·tion
- the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.
- the degree of probability that something will occur: There is little expectation that he will come.
- something expected; a thing looked forward to.
We hold expectations for almost every event that we attend, every movie that we catch, every places that we visit and even expectations for friends whom we first meet and also expectations on the significant other in a relationship.
How do we set the level of expectations from the other party? From my observation, it is usually on the first impression. When we first meet someone who carries branded goods from head to toe, we expect him to be someone who is filthy rich. When we meet a lady who is demure and gentle with a sweet smile who speaks intelligently, we expect her to come from a well educated family. When we are in a relationship whose significant other gives in relentlessly and display attributes of mild temper, we expect him/her to be always giving in.
When we go into a relationship, we expect the partner to be faithful and loyal, put us in the first priority and always make time for dates. Different people have got different level and types of expectations.
For the girlfriend who always makes time and cancels other appointments for dates with the boyfriend, she expects the guy to be able to do the same for her too. “I can do it, why can’t you?”
For the boyfriend who is always obligated to entertain clients, friends, relatives or colleagues, he expects the girlfriend to be independent enough to find her own activity and gives him the space he needs. “I can’t be keeping you accompany round the clock, I’ve got my own life too!”
A husband usually expects his wife to be well-versed in cooking, managing the finances well or at least to be able to do house hold chores.
A wife usually expects the husband to come home after work, update her about any situations at work and keeps her company till a new day begins.
People always have expectations and when the expectation is not met, disappointment sets in. When an apology isn’t received or the situation is not rectified, the disappointed one gets upset and conflicts + arguments arise eventually.
Sometimes I feel that I am not good enough because I can’t reach his expectations. Initially we can close an eye to stuffs that are not able to hit our level of expectations and we find it acceptable, but as time goes by, it may not seem to be as tolerable as before. I do not deny it is my fault at times, but being glared at or commented is not something I will acknowledge.
I am the one who glare at people (usually my siblings) for making a mistake. When I am at fault, my parents and friends whom I grew up with do not glare at me, they only give me a pat and correct my mistakes patiently. I snapped at people when I am not in a good mood, they will either ignore me for a few minutes and then gives me a pat on my shoulder or remarked that I am going crazy under their breath. After cooling down, I feel guilty and apologies to the other party and then remind myself to take note and not do it again. On the other hand, when I am being glared at or lectured, I do feel guilty for the mistake I made, but I don’t feel apologetic at all. Reason being, he/she have already felt better and ‘punished’ me by throwing a glare and/or temper back at me.
I know I do not have any valid reasons to continue to throw my temper or snap at people who allow me to indulge in such bad behaviors; I have been trying to curb my temper and think before acting.
So far, he has exceeded my expectations in both good and bad aspects.
I wonder how I have fared up to date, I just feel lousy because I caused a handful of arguments and feels that I am more of a liability, unable to render help in anyways.
He is intimidating in certain ways, the way he speaks when he is serious, and the attitude when he is on fire, also the glare he throws when I am in a clumsy mode.
Despite all this, he is a wonderful darling who cares to explain his points and reasons to me for his outburst or points that are different from mine. He bothers to help in affairs that others would keep themselves away from (e.g. drilling 16holes for my new furniture).
I am glad we kept the communication door open, adjust to one another’s differences and talk things out.
Whether this relationship will work out, the answer is still vague to me.
Composed at 9:50 am |
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